Minding my own business in the privacy of our humble abode, I was sectioning a grapefruit to eat this past Saturday morning about ten a.m. when suddenly our three dogs started barking as if a herd of squirrels had just dashed through the house.
From living since 1997 in a small, predominantly Baptist town, I knew from the tenor of outrageous barking that Christians with too much time on their hands were once again descending in force on our neighborhood, as they periodically do in caravans of aged as well as spiffy cars stuffed to the gills with hordes of self-righteous witnesses.
As my wife grabbed the dogs and pushed them behind us, I opened the front door and stepped out on my small concrete porch just as the two infidel intruders were easing their bulky bodies out of their car, a late model Ford they had pulled into my driveway without permission!
Whoa, as an aside, in some of the more rural and mountainous parts of North Carolina, you can get your ass shot by pulling uninvited into a driveway and then opening your car doors without first stating your business.
I’m a lot more friendly than many other rural or mountain-dwelling Carolinians are, however, so instead of throwing down with a locked and loaded firearm, I merely shouted to them, “If this is some religious pitch, I’m not interested!”
The witness getting out of the driver’s side of the car waved a couple of pamplets at me, perhaps believing, I’m afraid, that an obviously intelligent-looking human being like me would rather peruse a screed of silly Baptist nonsense instead of actually learning something about human nature from a truly insightful book like, say, Cormack McCarthy’s Blood Meridian.
“Not interested! No le interesa! Pas intéressé! Nicht interessiert! Non interessati! Ikke interessert! Nu sunt interesat! Nie jestem zainteresowany!” I reiterated before waving them away, turning my back on them, re-entering my home, and closing the door.
“That was rude,” my wife observed.”I hate it when you get rude like that.”
“No, that was not at all rude,” I corrected. “I didn’t shoot them or flip them off. Hell, I didn’t even moon them this time.”
Before going back to what she was doing prior to the interruption of our morning by this most recent group of Weekend Warriors for Christ, my wife sighed loudly, as she often does now that I’m a cranky old aging boomer who doesn’t put up with even a tenth of the crap I put up with during my first 60 years on this planet.
Christian Witnesses!
Ah, the very phrase practially dries the blood to crust in your veins, doesn’t it?
I mean, seriously, other than a big festering boil on the tip of your nose or in the crack of your butt, what on earth could be more annoying than having a perfectly lovely Saturday morning interrupted my a duo of ignorant fools who have the arrogance to ring the doorbell of strangers who have less than no interest in the religious baloney they’re hawking?
I don’t know about you, but I’m one aging boomer who does NOT want his mornings, afternoons, or evenings interrupted by self-righteous “Christian” (or any other religion for that matter) witnesses who pound on doors and inarticulately babble platitudes while handing out second grade reading level pamphlets instead of spending those hours performing acts of charity that might actually help the hundreds of thousands of legitimate poor or downtrodden people in this country alone.
I mean, seriously, do these “Christian” witnesses really think they’re making friends and converts by ringing doorbells and stirring up sleeping dogs as did the happily now extinct silver-tongued door-to-door vacuum and encyclopedia salesmen of my youth?
Frankly, I don’t get the whole Christian witnessing concept.
To me, legitimate Christians who actually understand the teachings of Jesus Christ would want to spend all their time helping those who need help.
Shouldn’t real Christians spend their time organizing and leading anti-war rallies to stop the killing and displacement of millions of their fellow human beings?
Doesn’t their “holy book” contain what any literate reader would understand to be a crystal clear injunction: “Thou shalt not kill!”?
And yet proud, self-aggrandizing “Christians” like George Bush and Barack Obama have been, and continue to be, responsible for ongoing death and destruction.
All done, of course, in the name of God as well as freedom and justice for all.
Well, I say enough of all this kind of Christian hypocrisy.
Seriously, Jesus must be doing somersaults or other acrobatic feats of frustration in his grave.
Oops, he’s not in his grave, is he?
Well, he must be weeping in heaven for the hypocrisy done in his name so often by so many of his followers who in reality don’t have the slightest clue of what he was really all about…
… the people who spend their time hammering on doors to “witness” to strangers when they should be spending their time feeding the hungry, housing the displaced, comforting the dying, and not making a total nuisance of themselves.
Chet
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Chet:
I appreciate your opinion about preachers coming uninvited. I was raised in a family that taught us to preach door to door and I always worried about bothering people. But I did at least understand where the concept came from. You say Baptists came to your door. Did you mean Jehovah’s Witnesses? I don’t ever have a Baptist knock on my door but we do have JW’s come often.
Anyway some things in your rant are not going to serve your argument. If you want peace from uninvited guests, fine (me too). But the following isn’t logical:
“To me, legitimate Christians who actually understand the teachings of Jesus Christ would want to spend all their time helping those who need help. Shouldn’t real Christians spend their time organizing and leading anti-war rallies to stop the killing and displacement of millions of their fellow human beings?”
Although Jesus did some humanitarian healing, his main focus was on preaching God’s kingdom. That is why he was known as the ‘Teacher’ and not ‘Healer’.(Matt 4:23) He commanded his followers to preach as well (he never told them to save whales or join the peace corp or organize homeless shelters). Yes, disciples are supposed to be good and do good acts, but they are primarily responsible to preach about God’s Kingdom.
He gave them specific instructions on how to preach…at people’s homes.(Matt 28:19; 10:7,11-13) He told them not to be a part of the world. (john 17:16)
“proud, self-aggrandizing “Christians” like George Bush and Barack Obama have been, and continue to be, responsible for ongoing death and destruction.”
Did you ever have Bush or Obama come to your door to advocate God’s Kingdom? They are promoting their own government. What do they have to do with real Christians who are only obeying Christ’s command to teach others what the Bible says while staying out of politics?
“… the people who spend their time hammering on doors to “witness” to strangers … making a total nuisance of themselves.”
It is well known that Jesus was hated by most of his contemporaries. He was a nuisance, a source of constant frustration. He warned that his true followers would be hated because of their preaching work and for staying no part of the world.(john 15:18,19; Mark 13:13)
Just a friendly reminder that Jesus instituted the preaching that you hate. If you really want to challenge them, why dont you ask them if they promote war instead of assuming they do? Not all Christians are fake. The ones who come “witnessing” are showing their true Christianity, while billions of fake Christians shirk this responsibility and do whatever they want while claiming Jesus is in their hearts.
Christianity and logic is like Roman sexuality and abstinence rings.
Jehova’s Witnesses I actually rather like. I enjoy Watchtower — it often has articles on nature and animals. The Witnesses also do not believe in hell, unlike baptist busybodies. Rather, they turn back to earlier versions of the bible before Gehenna — a burning garbage dump near Jerusalem — was mistranslated into “Hell.” Also, in KJV, you’ll find hell and death used interchangably. I find their take on the Bible refreshing and somewhat interesting, and I love how baptists and other more traditional christian sects treat their fellow “breathren in the word.”
Baptists have accosted me at my home, at my car, and in public venues dozens of times. They throw filthy and hateful Chic tracts in my face and stick them under the wipers of my car. If a Muslim were proselytizing in this way, he’d be arrested.
I’ve come up with a new counter tack to evangelism. Since a stranger has the gall to invade my personal space and make assumptions on my beliefs and lifestyle, I’ll return the disrespect and insult back on them: How do you like it with your spouse? Missionary or do you pray away the gay?
You obviously feel you have the right to get personal with me, so I’ll return the favor.
To take the Bible literally is on the same level of believing Xenu exiled billions of Thetan souls into humanity from volcanoes millions of years ago. There’s a reason American baptists, pentacostals, literalists, and Christian fundamentalists are the joke of more learned Christians like Jesuits.
Chet,
I’m a an aging boomer who also has less patience sometimes than she used to, but maybe I can give you an insight about why these folks go out of their way to talk with you.
Suppose someone gave you an incredibly precious gift, far more valuable than you could imagine…the world’s most precious jewel, a secret for incredible health and vitality, a secret to happiness and peace. Then the giver said to go and share this with everyone else; it won’t diminish by sharing, but instead it will grow. People may hate you for sharing it, so don’t get surprised if they try and hurt you or mock you for sharing it. “But why would they do that?” I asked. “Because they just don’t understand what it is,” he replied.
It’s sort of like that for the Christians who bug you by sharing their faith. Please know that their intent is to do what God told them to do out of love for you and excitement about the treasure they have found, not to annoy.
As the message from God said in “The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Universe,” “Sorry for the inconvenience!”
Chet,
I originally found your blog while doing some research on making colloidal silver. Thanks for that by the way. I’m looking forward to trying it as soon as I can obtain the necessary pieces.
Anyhow, I wanted to comment on this post. I’m not a baby boomer, my parents are, but I’m just as frustrated by uninvited callers. I live in semi-rural WV and there are no shortages of faith witnessing and church options here. In fact, for such a small concentration of human population, we have an over-ubundance of churches. I usually leave my dogs out since they’re my primary form of alert when someone is “calling”. My closest neighbor is about 200 yards away. Most people interested in self-preservation do not get out of their cars unless I clear them to do so. They may ask, “does your dogs bite?” to which I respond “They haven’t yet, but I’d be careful. They don’t like drinkers, drug adicts or bible thumpers.” (and they truly don’t!) If it’s a witness call, I usually thank the person for their invitation, decline and I have my own faith. Every now and then I’ll get the “so you already know Jesus?” line which is really just an opener for I’m here to say something and you’re going to hear it. Response, yes I do and thanks for stopping by. I then make my exit before the conversation can continue.
I have my own brand of Christian faith, and I share it with those interested in learning about me and it. Otherwise, I find spirituality an extremely personal journey that no one else has the capacity to lead or choose for another. I respect others choices but I don’t accept that I must listen to a stranger’s story simply because they’ve chosen to intrude on my day and my time. Now my neighbor, whom I respect greatly but do not agree with spiritually, has a bumper sticker on his mailbox, “Hell or Jesus, your choice”. I’m OK with that and even respect it. He and his wife are about 85 and truly live their faith. They’ve invited my family to their church, once. I politely declined. However, their living example is affirming to me that even choices I don’t make can still be the right ones for someone else.
I appreciate your rant and have echoed it often. I’d like to say more and respond to some of the other comments but I’ve found that those discussions are pointless as we both believe something different. However, to Coralee the answer is 42.
I don’t like being bugged at home either. However, I’m more bothered by government census workers who ask questions that the government has no business knowing. I also don’t like their marking my door with GPS. Jehova’s Witnesses and others like them, can be annoying. If I’m in the right mood, I don’t mind them at all. The government at my door poking into my business is more than anoying it poses a real threat to my privacy.