Child please, the other night I put my feet up, turned on the boob tube, flipped over to the On Demand selections, and ended up vegging out for close to five hours mesmerized by HBO Sports’ highly watchable, Hard Knocks.
Now, other than for professional boxing, I’m not a big sports or football fan, but for some inexplicable reason, I enjoy reality shows and/ or documentaries about athletes, especially the slickly-produced HBO offerings.
With that bit of background, the point of this morning’s entry is to help push a new phrase right smack, dead-on into the lexicon of American English.
Drum roll, please…
And the new phrase — the fabulously wonderful new phrase — is…
Child please.
Now, I know this two word combination seems simple enough on the surface, but in reality it’s a deliciously expressive and wonderful new way to say Fuck you when you’re in life or social situations where saying the real thing would get your ass kicked halfway into next Thursday.
For example, your spouse starts nagging about the lawn needing mowing.
Instead of making up some lame excuse if you’re in a good mood (Dear, I tripped this morning getting the newspaper and injured my Achilles tendon so that landscaping work will just have to wait until next weekend…) or — if you’re feeling aggressive — escalating the situation with a Get off your fat bum and do it yourself, you’d simply say…
Child, please.
Using those two words, especially if pronounced in a slow and loving tone of voice will befuddle your better half (if he/she hasn’t yet read this blog entry or watched Hard Knocks) and the chances are good the lawn will stay unmowed, and you’ll win this particular marital tiff!
We have American football wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals of the NFL Chad Javon Ochocinco (born Chad Javon Johnson on January 9, 1978, in Miami, Florida) to thank for bringing Child please into the English language, and Ocho (dare I stoop so familiar?) does so with a depth of thought and understanding of language and nuance that I’d never given him credit for.
You don’t believe me?
Watch the video where Chad explains just a few of the more subtle aspects of what I predict will join Sarah Palin’s Death Panels (and, yes, due to popular demand from loyal readers I shall write one day soon about the Alaskan Word Mangler) as one of America’s most creative expressions:
Now, seriously, I bet you’ve joined me in no longer thinking of Chad Ochocinco as just another self-aggrandizing loud mouth. In fact, you’re no doubt now including Ochocinco with a peer group of brilliant word and phrase creators like…
- England’s Dr. Samuel Johnson (September 18, 1709 – December 13, 1784)
- French lexicographer Pierre Larousse (October 23, 1817-January 3, 1875)
- America’s noted Noah Webster (October 16, 1758 – May 28, 1843)
- Russian lexicographer Vladimir Dal (November 10, 1801 – September 22, 1872)
- and, of course, American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, political activist, author, and lecturer Avram Noam Chomsky (pronounced /?no?m ?t??mski/; born December 7, 1928).
Well, even though I feel confident I’ll be revisiting the Child Please topic in the future (and no doubt even using the phrase on occasion in these humble scribblings), I think this would be a good place to stop for now.
Oh, one more thing…
… if you’re offended by some of the words or phrases used in this blog entry, I have only one thing to say to any rude comments you might leave below…
Child, please!
Seriously, good God in Heaven (if there is such a thing — that’s a topic for another day), what a wonderful new addition to the vocabulary of contemporary America.
Thank you my new wordsmith hero, Chad Ochocinco!
That post was so funny, I loved the video too, thanks Chet!
Good show, chap!
No, I’m not British, I just felt like being silly.
um sorry to break the news, but he did not invent this phrase. It has been used in the urban community for years. Its like saying “oh please, or “give me a break”.
Yes, yes, I know that! It’s the new take on the old phrase that I was commenting on and writing about.
Chet
Love the article..Is there a limit on how many times I can say “child please” at work?
Keep up the good writing.
Dorothy, no limit… at least until someone figures out what you’re doing.
Then, oh oh!
My wife’s already sick unto death of the phrase.
I know it’s hard to believe, but my lovely bride of almost 40 years now called me an “Idiot” yesterday when I used it on one of the dogs for barking at the UPS truck minding its own business driving down the street.
I started to “Child please” her then and there, but thought better of it because I like my remaining teeth.
Chet
Child please …do you really think that what’s his name coined that phrase? OMG…it’s been around since there were still slaves in America…long time, huh? It’s meant to put the person in their place by saying (without saying it) “you are so young and stupid”….Child…please!
Yes, yes, of course I was familiar with the phrase, but Chad has brought it to an entirely new level!
Chet
So glad you posted this…now I’ll know when I’m being dissed by a dear sweet diss-respecter!
I’m so far behind the “cool curve” that I never get “it” till it’s years in the past!
This is great face to face, but when driving I’ll still stick with the international hand signal! lol
Since we’re not being politically correct on today’s blog, if you want to say it right like in the hood where that phrase is typically used, it’s not pronounced “Child Please” but “Chile please”
Throw in that “d,” makes it sound like a white guy trying to be black
LOL!